That we must not be dismayed, nor give over our exercise of prayer, and meditation, at such time as we want devotion therein.
But among all these advices the principal is, that he that prayeth be not dismayed, nor give over his exercise, when he feeleth not forthwith such sweetness of devotion, as he desireth: as some persons use to do, who are very much deceived herein. Wherefore it is to be noted, that in very deed the heart of man is very like unto a troubled water, which can not suddenly be cleared again, be the diligence never so great that is bestowed about it, but it must have time, and space, to be cleared, and settled by little, and little. And in such case undoubtedly is our heart, which as it is wont to be troubled with the daily intermeddling and dealing in worldly affairs, so after that it is once troubled, it can not forthwith be settled and quieted in so short a space again, but it must needs have convenient space and time for the same. And therefore Ecclesiastes saith very well: That the end of prayer is better than the beginning: because at the beginning of prayer the heart is troubled, and disquieted, but in the end it is more settled, and quieted, and better disposed unto this holy exercise.
Wherefore like as he that will enkindle a fire in green wood, must have patience, and expect until the wood be dried by little, and little, and besides all this, it is requisite, that he continue for a time in blowing and enkindling it, and do shed also some tears with the smoke, if he will enjoy the fire according to his desire: even so it behooveth us often times to labor and persevere in the beginning of prayer, in case we will in the end enjoy the sweet and clear fire of devotion, and of the love of God.
Now for this cause it is requisite for him that prayeth, to expect the coming of our Lord with longanimity, and perseverance. For it is very convenient, as well in respect of the glory of his high divine majesty, and baseness of our condition, as also for the greatness and importance of the affairs we have in hand, that we do often times attend and watch at the gates of his sacred palace. Blessed is the man (saith the everlasting wisdom) that heareth my words, and watcheth daily at my gates, and tarrieth at the porch of my house, for who so shall find me, shall find life, and he shall receive salvation of our Lord. And the Prophet Jeremias saith, It is good to expect the salvation of our Lord God with silence.
The proud man and he that mistrusteth the promises of almighty God hath neither patience nor humility to expect our Lords coming: but the humble man saith (with the Prophet:) I expected again, and again for our Lord, and he heard my prayer. If the fisher or hunter have not patience to expect for the game that he seeketh, what profit shall he get by his travail? Now in this our fishing and hunting in prayer, being of so great importance as it is, we may account a long time well bestowed, that is employed in watching and expecting for so rich and so happy a treasure, as is almighty God.
Of that courageous and constant woman which Salomon describeth in his Proverbs (among other notable things) he saith thus: That she did as the merchants ship, that brought his bread from far countries. Whereby he giveth us to understand, that when we shall not find this bread of life forthwith according to our desire, we must then travail and sail so long time, as shall be necessary until we find it. If thou shalt persevere in calling, (saith our Savior) assure thyself that at the length thou shalt have answer. For it happeneth often times that that thing which is denied in the beginning of prayer, is granted at the end of prayer with great increase.
I have understood for a certain truth of a religious father that persevered for the space of three years in these good exercises, using daily to bestow in prayer and meditation after matins two or three hours, and could get none other fruit thereby but dryness of heart, until such time as our Lord considering the affliction of his soul, poured upon him the bountifulness of his goodness with such an abundant benediction of graces, that he was very well recompensed for all the barrenness of the other years past. And the like is proved daily by experience in many other devout persons. Happy therefore are those souls, that persevere in prayer after this sort: for undoubtedly the greater their perseverance is, the greater abundance shall they have of his grace. One of the principal things that those persons must have that do dispose themselves to receive great gifts and favors of almighty God is longanimity and patience of heart, to expect faithfully so long time for them as almighty God would they should expect: and in the mean season to comfort themselves with that hope of the Prophet, which saith: If he shall delay his coming, I will not fail to tarry for him, for he will surely come, and will not stay over long.
Now when thou hast after this sort expected a certain time for our Lords coming, in case our Lord shall then come unto thee, give him most hearty thanks for his coming: and if it seem unto thee that he cometh not, humble thyself then before him, and acknowledge that thou art not worthy to receive that thing which he giveth not unto thee: and let this content thee for that time, that thou hast made a sacrifice of thyself, denied thine own will, crucified thy appetite, strived with the devil, and with thyself, and done at the least what thou couldest for thine own part. And in case thou have not adored our Lord with sensible adoration according to thy desire, it is sufficient that thou hast adored him in spirit, and in truth, according as his will is to be adored. And trust me assuredly in this point, that this is the most dangerous passage of all this navigation, and the place where true devout persons are proved, and tried: and that if thou escape well out of this danger, thou shalt have prosperous success in all the rest.
To conclude, if all this notwithstanding it seem unto thee, that it were but time lost to persevere in prayer, and to trouble and weary they head without any profit, in such a case I accompt it not any inconvenience, if when thou hast done what lieth in thee, thou take then some devout book, and change for that time thy prayer into reading: Howbeit with this condition, that thy reading be not passed over with too great haste, or speed, but leisurely, and with great attention and consideration unto such things as thou dost read, and intermingle now and then in places convenient prayer with reading, which is a thing both very profitable, and very easily to be done by all kind of persons, be they never so rude, and newly entered into this way.
OF PRAYER AND MEDITATION 